There was a time when no gentleman would leave a lady standing. Personally I'm glad that time has passed, not because it would mean I'd never get a seat, but because by treating women as frail and weak, we devalue everyone.
I find it frustrating when I see someone who clearly needs a seat left standing, but I find the "young people of today" attitude equally offensive. I have often found my self in the "is she or isn't she?" dilema, and I'm not sure what you should do in that situation.
To a certain extent, I think that if you wait around expecting someone to offer you a seat, you're at least 50% to blame. Is it fair to expect people to know that you need one? Most commuters aren't actually psychic, I'm afraid. I will happily offer my seat to someone who needs, but I tend to spend much of the journey engrossed in my own activities (I typed 600 words on the train this morning, despite standing for half the journey), so is it my responsibility to notice you?
It hasn't happened to me, but I've heard of people who've offered their seat and been given out for assuming the person wasn't able to stand. Is it any wonder people are reluctant to offer their seat?
If you see someone, and they look like they need a seat, politely offer it.
If someone offers you a seat and you feel you need it, politely accept.
If someone offers you a seat and you don't feel you need it, politely decline.
If you are standing, and you feel you need a seat for any reason, politely ask someone if you may have theirs. I know two people who take this approach, and they have yet to be refused.
I'm still thinking about how best to handle this, but if you are standing, and you see someone who looks like they need to sit, the best thing might be to politely ask them if they need to sit down. Someone ought to get the hint at that point, but if they don't, ask on their behalf.
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