[Derek Wheeler]

Im going to go mad. Some of my favourites.

Grasshopper Gumbo

Ingredients
1/2 cup lemon juice
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 teaspoon honey
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated ginger 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
2 tablespoon minced fresh herbs -- parsley, mint, thyme and/or tarragon.
12 frozen grasshoppers, katydids, locusts, or other suitably sized Orthoptera, thawed.(you can try Dunnes Stores, but they may laugh at you.)
1 red pepper, cut into 1 1/2-inch chunks
1 small yellow onion, cut into 8 wedges

Directions: Mix all ingredients for the marinade in a nonreactive baking dish. Add the Orthoptera, cover, and marinate overnight. When ready to cook, remove the insects from the marinade. Pat them dry,(make sure they're definetly dead as doornails) for ease of handling. Assemble each kabab, alternately skewering the insects, tomatoes, and onion wedges to create a visually interesting lineup. Cook the kababs two or three inches above the fire, turning them every two or three minutes and basting them with additional olive oil as required. The exact cooking time will vary, depending on the kind of grill and types of insects used;(stay away from earwigs as there's feck all eating on them.) however, the kababs should cook for no longer than 8 or 9 minutes.

Boiled Flamingo

1. Scald the flamingo with the feathers still on.
2. Wash it and remove the feathers and other parts not meant for eating.(unless you're starving)
3. Stuff it with greens, celery leaves, etc., and tie it to keep its shape. Coat it in lard.
4. Boil the bird in a pot of water with salt, dill, and a little vinegar.
5. Put the half-cooked bird in a sauce pan and brown in oil. Add a bunch of leeks and coriander. Add a little broth. Cover and continue cooking.
6. To add color, pour in some grape juice thickened by heating.
7. Crush some spices—pepper, cumin, coriander, laser root, mint, and rue. Moisten them with vinegar.
8. Add dates and some of the juice from the sauce pan. Stir this back into the sauce and simmer.
9. Add flour and cook till thickened. Strain and pour the sauce over the bird.

The recipe works just as well for parrot.(Honestly)

And some others worth trying, when bored.........

Squirrel Brain

Yes, the brain of the small tree climbing rodent. (Freely available in the Pheonix Park) You cook the head with the rest of the body (after cleaning of course), then, using your fingers and a fork, you crack the skull open and dig the brain out. (beats lobster anyday.)

Criadillas (Big in Spain and Canada).

Also called Prairie Oysters in Canada (But Canadians always try to be posh). It is called "criadillas" in Spain but has different names in other Latin countries. The criadillas are the testicles of the pig. They are sliced first and then cooked with garlic and parsley, better if they are barbecued. If you don´t know what you are eating, the taste is intense but in a nice and pleasant way. (yeah, right.)

And finally......for that dinner party, where you are really trying to impress, I recommend the following.

Seal Flipper Pie

4 Seal flippers
1/2 Cup diced pork fat
1 tsp flour
cold water
2 onions, chopped
1 tsp soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp worcester sauce

Soak flippers in water and soda for 1/2 an hour. Trim excess fat. Dip the flippers in seasoned flour and pan fry in the pork fat until browned. Add the chopped onion.
Make a gravy of flour, 1 cup water, and Worcester sauce. Pour over the flippers. Cover and Bake in a moderate oven (350f) until tender.. which should be two to three hours. Cover with pastry and bake at 400f for 1/2 an hour. Seals are freely available off the coast of Skerries, Co. Dublin.

You just don't see quality like this on Saturday Kitchen.